


Love in the Ice

by JingNI



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Ice Skater Jeno, Ice Skater Renjun, Ice Skating, M/M, Miscommunication, Rivals to Lovers, Staring, ice dance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21860350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JingNI/pseuds/JingNI
Summary: Huang Renjun has always known he's meant to be on the ice. He has an illustrous career as a figure skater, so it is a shock when he suddenly ventures to ice dance. What is even more shocking is him partnering up with Lee Jeno, someone who has never won gold in his career.Renjun knows Jeno isn't meant for the ice, while Jeno knows Renjun represents the very battlefield he longs to conquer.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 12
Kudos: 78
Collections: DreamXmas 2019





	Love in the Ice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sanhascroissant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanhascroissant/gifts).



> hshshshshshs idk how i wrote this long fic especially since I haven't written enemies to lovers before. not to mention this fic has been longer than it should have (but i was planning to make it longer for...reasons).
> 
> hope you enjoy this fic and happy holidays!

Huang Renjun believes he’s made for the ice.

One moment he was on ice, performing his free skate on the Grand Prix with the tune of a symphony as the background song. His mind is in tune with his body as he gracefully does a triple lux and triple toe loop jump combination, channeling all the energy that he has on the ice. After finishing his jumps, he does his step sequences with stretched arms, making sure they are a gentle looking as possible.

When he’s sure he has all eyes on him, he proceeds to lean his back for an ina bauer, stretching his arms, legs and hips as he does so. The crowd cheers wildly as the move was finished, relishing at the sight of Renjun stretching his arms towards them with a pained expression. When he gets the right momentum, he does the final jump: a triple axel.

He does the jump with perfect execution, not tripping himself as he lands safely on the ice.

Finally, as the last seconds of his program ticks, he does his final spins. He does a layback spin, making sure he isn’t leaning too much before swiftly holding one of his legs with his hands to transition to a haircutter spin. Not missing any beat, he curves his back as he raises his leg to reach above his head, his hands not letting his leg go as he executes his Biellmann spin.

The next moment he was on the podium, holding his gold medal in hand. He gives a perfect smile as the cameras flash. It was a moment for him, the coldness of the ice still lingering on his skin. He wouldn’t have any other way.

Now, he’s in the locker room, waiting for his coach to arrive. Looking at the gold medal in his hands, the adrenaline from his winning performance on the ice still lingers. He has been on the ice for as long as he can remember, and every award has been a vital part of his life. He has a stellar career in both Juniors and Seniors, revered as one of the best skaters in the country because of his powerful routines emasculated by his smooth and precise executions. 

His coach frequently comments he sold his soul to the ice, and he wholeheartedly agrees. He feels best when on the ice, the cold surface being his main domain, his home. Perhaps he has been on the ice too much, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Taking off his ice skates, he notices the blades look a little worn out from usage. He leans on the wall, staring at the lights above him with tired eyes. A deep sigh escapes his lips, his body itching to be in a colder atmosphere. In the locker room, other constants and their respective coaches talk lively, emitting a warmth he still can’t get used to. Various voices fill his ears, but they all sound the same to him.

Someone greets him, a man who is frequently in the competitions he’s in. “Congratulations on winning your fourth Grand Prix Renjun!”

He tries to smile. “Thank you, Donghyuck.”

The silver medal on Donghyuck’s neck shines. “So, what are your plans? Beat your own record next season? Compete in the Olympics?”

Renjun has been pondering his future plans for a while now. While winning the Grand Prix has been one of his main goals, he feels stuck after that career wise. He has already proven himself countless times, to the point he feels winning for another consecutive time has already gotten stale.

“I’ll think about it.” Renjun answers, voice clipped.

Donghyuck scratches his head. “Uh, okay. Will you attend the banquet tonight?”

Renjun knows the air between them is awkward. He isn’t exactly a people person, nor does he plan to make friends along the way. Donghyuck may be the closest competitor he has that he can consider a “friend,” if that’s even the right word. He has heard the rumors of how he’s known as a cold man not just on the ice, but off it. To be honest, he would prefer to keep it that way.

Still, he has an obligation to attend such festivities. He knows its importance (despite not caring for it in the slightest). “Do I have a choice?”

“Stop being grumpy!” Donghyuck chides, earning an irritated sigh from the older man. “You rarely enjoy stuff that’s not related to ice skating. Would you lighten up, even for a little bit?”

Renjun gives Donghyuck an intense glare, but the younger man shrugs it off. “I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

Renjun only looks at Donghyuck, who is now going to his coach. Seeing everyone else still chatting lively, he can only find small comfort on his cold hands. He clenches them into fists, wishing he could be somewhere else other than this room full of people. 

* * *

The banquet is a disaster.

Not only are the food not on par with his tastes, but almost everyone is dancing in such a ridiculous manner! He knows how overly ridiculous programs in galas can be, but he’s still not used to it.Renjun can’t bring himself to drink his glass of champagne, appalled at the display of mediocrity brought by the state of drunkenness. He’s dodging every person who almost lean on him, barely tolerating the smell of alcohol on their clothes. It takes him a long time to reach a corner where no one is there, letting out a sigh of relief when he feels he’s finally alone. 

Or, that would be the case if there wasn’t a man wearing a mask hiding in the same corner.

Renjun normally wouldn’t care whatever this unknown man does, but the soft murmurs slowly got louder until turn into full-blown cries (also why is he wearing a mask in the first place). Great, normal drunks are already difficult. A crying drunk? It’s impossible for his already low social energy.

He takes a sip of wine, wishing it would help to handle the situation he’s in. Is no one going to comfort this man? Despite the loudness of the cries, everyone is in their own world, completely ignoring the crying man beside him. This only fuels the distaste he has for socializing.

Frankly, he can’t take it anymore. “Hey!”

The crying man stops and turns to look at him. Renjun gives one of his most fiercest glares. “Do you mind? Surely there must be some better places for you to cry instead of here.”

The man almost took off his mask to wipe his tears before he stops lifting his mask. He then looks towards the lively people, who they vaguely hear are announcing a dance competition as the next game for some event. “S-Sorry. I can’t help it.”

Renjun comments the masked man’s voice is deep yet soft, a dangerous combination in his opinion. He massages his temples with a groan. “God, this is why people shouldn’t turn to alcohol to handle their problems.”

“I-I’m not drunk.” The mask man murmurs, uncertain.

“You aren’t even convinced you’re not drunk!” Ren crosses his arms as he leans against the wall, his social energy already drained. “Pull yourself together man!”

The masked man flinches, barely containing the next batch of tears. Renjun was supposed to berate him further until a set of lights were pointed at their direction. All eyes land on them. 

Renjun feels another headache coming.

“Oh! It’s none other than this year’s Grand Prix gold medalist Huang Renjun!” The host jumps on the stage and runs towards him. Renjun almost escaped if it weren’t for an arm wrapping his torso. “He and this random guy will be the next pair for this year’s dance competition!”

Cheers erupt from the audience as he was being pulled to the wide stage stage along with the masked man. The host energetically exclaims the rules without caring that both of them are doing this against their will. When he was done, the gazes of the people are almost burning them, fully expecting a wonderful performance. Despite a song already playing, both of them are just standing there, not knowing what to do.

Renjun could’ve left the stage, but he’s not too heartless to leave the masked man alone and add more to his already stressed state. He turns to the man, reaching out with his hand. While not seeing what the man’s reaction is like, the masked man takes the offer and starts to lead.

The masked man starts dancing full of energy, further fueled by his drunken state. To be honest, Renjun thinks the drunk man is doing pretty good.. His body language, such as hugging himself while looking at Renjun, abruptly stops during attempted flips and unrestrained yet rough arm movements, the man is still quite a mess. If Renjun will comment positively of the dance, it’s the man’s storytelling. Even though he’s wearing a mask, the man is obviously showing yearning, as if incorporating his uncontrolled energy to the story he’s weaving. The masked man spins and glides towards Renjun, ending his dance with a flood slide.With one knee down, he reaches towards Renjun, mustering the steadiest kneel he can manage. Renjun knows he must respond, so he answers the dance with his own.

Renjun is the opposite of the masked man. His movements are clean and refined, calculating every single step. He dances to get away from the man, showing resistance and rejection. He twirls and shows a mask of indifference, making sure to give one of his iciest glares to the masked man. He leaps with controlled movements, his arms not flailing to different directions. He makes sure to contain himself as much as possible to not make mistakes.

The masked man then leaps towards him, doing every step Renjun just did. It almost made Renjun step on his foot, shocked to see how quickly the man caught up with his moves and do it on his own way. Renjun was then captured, so he kneels down and bows, trying to cover his face. The masked man leans his face on Renjun’s shoulder, embracing Renjun from behind.

Renjun pushes the man away, this time being unrestrained in showing his defiance. The masked man meanwhile, restrains his movements, becoming less erratic and more careful. Unlike Renjun’s complete restraint in his usual moves, this man’s restraint is more inviting, as if asking him to trust him. Losing the energy, Renjun slows himself until he stops on his place, facing the man with a last look of determination.

The masked man slows himself as well, making his steps silent yet punctuated with emphasis. They’re now facing each other, bringing the dance to its end. Unconsciously, the man holds Renjun’s hand as the bow.

Everyone was speechless. 

Renjun didn’t bother to know what the audience’s reactions are as he pulled the masked man out of the stage. No one stops them from leaving the venue, still trying to grasp what happened. The host can only give a shrug before commenting on the performance and introduce the next pair.

When the two are at the lobby, Renjun immediately lets go of the masked man’s hand. Before leaving, Renjun whispers on the man’s ear. 

“You did good.”

Before the man can respond, Renjun leaves, not looking back.

* * *

Renjun and Kun, his coach are currently doing laps as part of their daily routine. Wiping off the sweat on his forehead, he speeds up with Kun soon catching up to him.

“Have you ever considered ice dance?” Kun suddenly asks, a little out of breath. Renjun lifts his eyebrow in confusion. 

“I mean,” Kun lets out a few deep breaths before speaking again. “You keep telling me you want to do something different.”

“Ice dance?” Renjun barely maintains his speed, too baffled at the suggestion. “Are you serious coach? Me? Dancing with someone?”

“It’s only a suggestion,” Kun pats Renjun head as they continue to run. “You still have time.”

Renjun looks on his feet as he swats Kun’s hand off. “Sorry, but I don’t see the point.”

Kun slowly stops in his tracks. When Renjun realizes his coach has stopped beside a nearby tree, he turns back. The older man crosses his arms with a serious expression. Even if Kun’s breath is ragged, Renjun knows he is serious.

“What do you want to do Huang Renjun?” Kun says, his voice filled with concern . “You only have a few years left. How do you want to show your passion on the ice?”

“I can still be a singles competitor,” Renjun answers with a huff. “I can’t transition from singles to ice dance immediately you know?”

“That’s why I’m only offering this as a suggestion,” Kun rubs his temples. “Renjun, there’s no doubt you’re meant to be on the ice, but you said it yourself, you don’t have any plans on what to do for future seasons.”

Renjun knows Kun means well. He has remained stuck ever since being asked about future plans. He has been on the ice for as long as he can remember, but even he can see how stale winning multiple times can be like. Despite of that, a part of him doesn’t care. As long as he wins and gives fantastic performances, then he can remain as a singles competitor.

A part of him tell he won’t improve though. His knowledge and repertoire won’t expand. One day he will run out of ideas and be predictable if he continues denying the want of changing tracks. This brings another problem: ice dance. There’s no doubt he doesn’t want anyone to pair up with him, especially skaters who are still strangers to him. He’s also sure no one wants to pair with him because while he let out everything on the ice, he closes everything when he’s off it. 

Renjun pinches his nose. This is going to be a decision he really has to be sure of.

*

Renjun has debated on shifting to ice dance for weeks, carefully deciding when he heart has fully agreed to it. He needs a change of pace from being a singles competitor. He feels this is what the ice wants, it’s what his body wants, and it’s what his heart wants. To give the ice a new kind of performance, Renjun has to change as well.

Still, while he would like to think he has it all figured out, he isn’t prepared for the aftermath. As soon as he says he’s going to shift to ice dance, people immediately flock to him even more, questioning such a sudden shift. 

Of course, the most asked question besides the reason of the sudden shift is who will be his partner. Unlike singles, ice dance is a kind of pair skating. Not only that, but the programs he and his partner will do is drastically different from singles. For one thing, no jumps, something he will have a hard time to contain.

When it comes to finding a partner, that's another whole set of problems.

He knows he is one of the more known people in the world of ice skating, but is also one of the least desirable. He knows no one who he can ask to be his partner, and he doesn’t trust anyone who’s offering to be his partner. Because of this, it’s Kun who is contacting available people. Luckily (or unluckily), Kun manages to find someone who is free.

Frankly Renjun doesn’t like it, but he has little choice on the matter That’s one of the negatives for being alone almost all the time. He doesn’t mind since he only needs the ice as his companion, but now he should have seen on hindsight that connections are important. No matter, it’s his decision to change gears, so he would swallow his pride for this one instance as Kun arranges for a meeting with his partner.

The first meeting with said meeting is, like the banquet, a disaster.

They’re in an ice rink owned by Kun’s family to meet them. Surprisingly, they meet a Korean man named Kim Doyoung first, who is the coach of his partner. While he barely hears news about his competitors, Kun does know Doyoung personally, having been on similar circles in the ice skating world. No wonder Kun resorts to his own circle of friends to find him a partner.

Doyoung stares at him intently, rubbing his chin momentarily before turning his eyes on Kun. “So, is your student sure about this?”

“He says he needs a change of pace,” Kun answers with a small smile. Doyoung looks at him with raised eyebrows, not fully believing it. “Hey, all in the name of the ice.”

Doyoung mutters. “It has always been in the name of the ice.”

“Where’s your student?” Kun changes topic, looking for missing person. Renjun stares his surroundings, barely listening to the older men’s conversation. “Shouldn’t he be here already?”

“He’s coming from his dorm,” Doyoung looks at his watch. “Bet he did some garage sale or something since their dorm has monthly fundraisers.”

Renjun frowns, thinking his partner isn’t taking this seriously.

“Aaaaaah!” All heads turn to the source of the scream, which is from a man who’s running towards them. When the man finally reaches them, he immediately tries to take breaths. With shaky legs, he bows in front of them. “Sorry I’m late!”

“You’re only late for a minute.” Kun assures with an awkward smile.

“I’m still late!” The man bows again. “I’m sorry!”

Where the heck is Doyoung getting his students? Renjun feels the “not suited to be my partner” vibe already.

“Anyway,” Doyoung lifts the man’s face towards Renjun. “This is Lee Jeno, one of my students.”

Kun looks at Jeno with shocked eyes while Renjun looks at him with a glare. If he remembers correctly, Jeno is also a singles competitor, such as competing in the Grand Prix.

If he remembers another thing correctly about that event, Jeno finished the latest Grand Prix dead last.

Great, not only did was he partnered with someone beneath him, he was partnered with someone who has never reached a similar place like him. Is this what the ice wants, being paired with someone lower in skill and caliber? No, he shouldn’t judge Jeno immediately like that, but seeing how he is obviously a mess, maybe he isn't far off.

Jeno stares with crescent eyes smiling towards him, his lips forming into a similar smile too. Okay, this dude has a handsome face and Renjun isn’t lying when he says that internally but that isn’t enough to sway him. 

The taller man offers a handshake as he looks at Renjun with a slight blush. “Nice to meet you, Renjun.”

Renjun looks at the offered hand then at Jeno before wordlessly walking away to the rink, leaving the other man confused. 

“Okay, rude,” Doyoung hisses. “What are you teaching him Kun?”

Kun groans. “He has always been like that Doyoung.”

Doyoung looks at Jeno with concern. “Sorry buddy, but I think you’ll have a hard time.”

“It’s fine,” Jeno says, still maintaining his smile despite feeling strain. “As long as I can perform on the ice.”

Kun stares at Doyoung with worry. “You’re right. It has always been in the name of the ice.”

* * *

“What do you want us to do, coach?” Jeno asks Kun, who is regarding them with a warm smile. Renjun barely listens, crossing his arms out of boredom. It has been two weeks since they first met, but they only practice by themselves.

“I want you two to skate freely on the ice,” Kun answers. “Since you two haven’t practiced together yet, why not do some freestyling to get the sense of each other?”

Renjun doesn’t respond while Jeno looks at Kun shyly. “O-Okay, coach.”

“And you Renjun,” Kun turns his smile into a flat line. “I expect you to be on your good behavior.”

Renjun shrugs. “No promises.”

While Kun isn’t exactly a coach Renjun would consider a close friend, he is still a friend nonetheless. Renjun does warm-ups while keeping tabs on Jeno, who is doing his own set of warm-ups as well.

As he observes the taller man, he notices Jeno has a different approach to ice skating than him. Jeno isn’t a fluid as him, and his energy is all over the place. He keeps moving his arms in different directions all the time, and the way he evenly distributes his energy by stretching looks bad. His ina bauer looks weird because he isn’t stretching his legs much unlike his arms. He’s unrestrained, the complete opposite of the ice where it’s calm and collected.

And his jumps, or rather, failed attempts at jumps, solidifies his opinion that Jeno isn’t meant for the ice.

His attempts of toe loops are too abrupt, as if Jeno is doing this after the idea immediately popped in his head. His trips after performing a triple axel, and he almost fell when he failed a salchow. Those jumps are supposed to be some jumps he’s used to do since he has skated for a long time already! 

His form in general is another problem. Jeno’s posture is just...bad. His crouch seems like a permanent part of his posture, which is bad for his spins and life in general. How the hell is he still an ice skater after that? Sure he may be exaggerating, but this isn’t exaggerations when it comes to the ice.

For him, the ice deserves to receive only perfect performances. But no one understands that more than he does, and he’s pretty sure Jeno doesn’t think like that due to his attitude. Even if he’s only seeing Jeno practice now, he can already feel the hesitation still lingering in the air.

“Your form is bad,” Renjun blurts out, surprising Jeno as the smaller man skates towards him. “Don’t crouch all the time.”

Jeno only looks at Renjun with a small grin. Despite that, he doesn’t reply.

“And stop flailing your arms. You look dumb doing that,” Renjun continues to ramble. “If you want to maintain your balance, only stretch your arms widely when needed.”

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” Jeno says with a huff. Renjun glares at him, knowing the other man’s smile is strained. “I’m just taking it slow.”

“You aren’t going places with that kind of attitude!” Renjun shouts, but it doesn’t affect Jeno. “Are you proud of being like this? Of being a low rate ice skater?”

“Hey man, I appreciate it,” Jeno says in a curt tone. “But you have your own ways when it comes to practicing and I have mine. It’s like coach Kun says, this is just a simple practice.”

“The ice doesn’t deserve such pathetic practices,” Renjun snaps. “Now I know why our directions are widely different.”

Jeno’s smile vanishes, being replaced with a frown. In spite of that, he let the insult pass. “You do you.”

Renjun clenches his fist when Jeno starts skating again, glaring at the taller man intensely. Even if this is the first time Renjun has seen Jeno practice, he’s 100% sure that man is not meant to be an ice skater. The ice has not chosen Lee Jeno. 

*

“He’s so difficult to work with,” Renjun says after another day of training with Jeno. He and Kun are currently in the lockers of the ice skating rink. Kun sighs as he gives Renjun a bottle of water. “He’s so cowardly and doesn’t say much when I comment on his performance.”

“He does have the talent, Renjun,” Kun answers, which only makes Renjun snicker. “Everyone has their own pacing. Don’t dismiss him like that.”

“Then why does he constantly fail?” Renjun snaps, having a hard time understanding Jeno’s reason for being an ice skater. It’s obvious Jeno and ice don’t mix even with the skills. Sure, he acknowledges that Jeno does have the strengths of telling a story on the ice, but his hesitation and constant doubts within himself pulls him down every time. His performance on the last Grand Prix when he was dead last was proof of it. Of course Renjun doesn’t want to be affected by Jeno’s failures. 

If there is one thing to commend, is Jeno’s determination. Renjun’s surprised that Jeno has reached the Grand Prix. Sure, he’s last, but at least he can acknowledge that he at least knows what he’s doing on the rink. Still, Jeno should do better besides just knowing the basics. Renjun needs an equal, not someone below him on the rankings.

And to be an equal, Jeno needs to have bested Renjun. A few years later and Renjun is still on top, while Jeno is barely reaching his feet.

“That’s not a good thing to say, Renjun,” Kun berates. “Look, we get it. You have the talent and everything, you should have at least show some concern. He is your partner.”

“I know that very well, coach,” Renjun crosses his arms and legs as he leans on the wall. “But that’s where our similarities lie. I’m meant for the ice, he isn’t.”

“You should also acknowledge that you don’t want to cooperate with him,” Kun throws his hands up when Renjun rolls his eyes. “Why did you choose him to be your partner in ice dancing in the first place?”

“Because I wanted to give him a chance?” Kun glares at Renjun’s smug reply. “But he’s wasting every single opportunity and you know we can’t afford that.”

“What do you mean I’m wasting my opportunity?”

Both of them look at the door to see Jeno, who’s staring at them blankly. “Tell me. What do you mean by that?”

“It’s nothing,” Kun attempts to prevent the situation to escalate, but seeing both Renjun and Jeno looking at each other with disdain gives him the feeling that it’s probably too late. “Is there something I can - ”

“You are wasting your opportunity,” Renjun repeats with emphasis. “Because you keep on screwing things up.”

“Oh, and you’re so perfect huh?” Jeno lets out a bitter chuckle. “Do you pity me because I keep failing in your eyes?”

Kun realizes he has no choice but to observe. He watches them from the corner of the room silently as the two are now immersed in their heating conversation. 

“It’s not about pity,” Renjun stands up and walks towards Jeno, causing the taller man to lean on the wall. With a loud thud Renjun pins Jeno on the wall with a tight grip, looking at him with icy eyes. “Why would I pity you? I’m just saying you can change your career, seeing as ice skating isn’t meant for you.”

“You think I’m not meant for ice skating?” Jeno looks at him in disbelief. He lets out a loud laugh, but Renjun notices it lacks mirth, unlike the chuckles he hears during the first few weeks of their training. “You think I don’t know that?”

“Then why are you here?” Renjun jabs, seeing how Jeno is getting angrier as he continues. “You could have chosen a better career than in the world of figure skating. You can have better opportunities than on a field you’re not suitable with.”

Jeno stays silent for a while, bowing his head in contemplation. Renjun is a bit perturbed by the sudden silence, which only intensifies when Jeno’s hands slowly shakes. Jeno is on the verge of tears, clenching his shaking hands into fists and biting his lip to contain himself. He chokes up a cry and takes a few deep breaths ,until he calms down a bit. When he's ready, he musters his answer in a low, gruff voice. “I want to skate. So deal with it.”

Renjun is stunned. Jeno stares down at Renjun with misty eyes, not backing down. The smaller man slowly breaks into laughter, which is something that is still foreign to him. There’s something that he’s feeling inside right now, and Renjun doesn’t know how to approach Jeno and his “sure” response. Is Jeno mocking him for not being able to deal with people too much? Whatever this fiery feeling in his chest, it takes a long time for him to process.

Still, he gives props to Jeno for making him laugh.

“You still want to skate despite being bad at it?” Renjun scoffs with a hand wave. “Got to hand it to you, you got guts. But I don’t want a liability as a partner.”

“Oh, is that it?” Jeno says, not amused. “You think I’m a liability?”

“Of course,” Renjun doesn’t want to back down. He needs Jeno to know that he’s not meant for the ice! Why keep on doing something that only ends in defeat? Doesn’t Jeno realize that the ice doesn’t want him? That he doesn’t belong on the ice? He should know that since he’s used to it. “I don’t want to pull your weight in every performance.”

“I’m not asking you to pull my weight!” Jeno screams. He narrows his eyes full of tears as he pushes Renjun away from him. Renjun is loses his balance for a second, shocked to feel Jeno’s strength in that push. “I’m not asking you to pull my weight and never will!”

“Then why are you silent when I try to give you advice?” Renjun scowls. If there is one thing that he gave effort for, is giving Jeno pointers. “At least I’m doing my part in this partnership.”

“You call that thing you do ''advice”?” Jeno bares his teeth as his face reddens. His lets out his next response with a heavy breath as rage pulse through his veins. “Oh so telling me my steps are terrible, my jumps are all over the place and basically telling me I’m shit is good advice? How is that “advice”?”

“I’m only telling the truth!” Renjun screeches, anger spiking inside him. How is Jeno not being grateful for his advice? “I am giving you areas where you can improve such as your steps and sequences! I am being honest with what I feel and if you can’t accept it then just leave!”

“Then look at your mistakes as well,” Jeno’s voice starts to waver, averting his stare at Renjun for a while before returning to look at him again. “Because I can’t just be the only one trying to make our partnership work. I shouldn’t be the only one listening to you!”

“Then give me a reason to listen to you!” Renjun snaps, shaking in fury. “You’re telling me I’m not putting any effort, that it’s only you who are doing the work in this partnership. If so, why aren’t you putting the same effort on the ice?”

Renjun knows Jeno’s resolve is dissolving when Jeno doesn’t answer. Renjun licks his bottom lip, relishing at the thought he outstared Jeno once more. “I only want perfection, Lee Jeno. I don’t want second-rates. I don’t want amateurs. I don’t want anyone beneath my level. And most importantly, I don’t want failures.” 

Jeno clutches himself shakily, biting his lip as tears fall from his eyes. Renjun knows the final straw has snap as he finally said what he wants to say. He watches Jeno leave the room in tears. Kun glares at Renjun as he leaves the room as well, but not before telling the final words uttered in the room today.

Renjun laughs at the reply, but why is his heart aching? He leans on the wall as he slumps down, rocking himself as tears unknowingly falls.

He hates how Lee Jeno is making him feel these disgusting emotions. He lets out a loud scream, his body continuing to shake as hugs his torso. Not wanting to make a sound, he shouts more in his arms, letting out all the pain he’s been hiding.

* * *

“So, why are you here?”

Jeno doesn’t answer him as he starts to do some warm ups on the ice. Not wanting to back down, Renjun follows him. They follow the same line on the ice for months, but their paths still remain crossed.

“You didn’t follow my advice.”

“It’s none of your business.” Jeno grits his teeth, speeding up as he does a foxtrot. Renjun sneers, earning a glare from the taller man.

Renjun skates smoothly, knowing he has the cooler head right now. “It is my business because I need to know if you want to compete. Of course, what I said still stands.”

Seeing Jeno attempting a rocker, Renjun picks up the pace to be in front of him. When Jeno enters on the next edge of his ice mark and curves clockwise, Renjun follows him in every step until they finish. He smirks when they didn’t finish the step at the same time since Jeno finished first. He also notices Jeno lacking grace in executing the move.

“Huang Renjun checking up on me?” Jeno mocks, not waiting for Renjun as he does another rocker. Renjun glares when he lags behind once again, forced to speed up. Jeno’s movements are more rigid and stiff. “I thought you have your ass completely frozen on ice?”

Renjun catches up and instantly pulls Jeno towards him by his shirt. Skating on their lines is becoming a bit difficult because both of them can’t focus, so he forces him and Jeno to stop their glide abruptly. “Listen you untalented swine, I want to ace this ice dancing debut. If you’re still being this worthless loser, then don’t take me with you.”

“Like I said, who’s the one not cooperating?” Jeno bites back, this time pulling Renjun towards him until their faces are facing each other and only a few inches apart. Jeno then lets go, widening his eyes as he realizes what he’s done. He shakes his head in frustration. This time, after skating once more, it is Renjun who starts another step by making a bracket. Renjun, still having Jeno on his hold, starts swinging his right leg but doesn’t notice Jeno is doing the step with him at the same time. Since Jeno is swinging his right leg more lively than Renjun, the smaller man has no choice but to match Jeno’s pacing as they finish doing a bracket. Jeno’s hold on Renjun’s waist tightens as Renjun grunts out of frustration. “Who’s the one that only mocks his partner and kicks him when at his lowest?”

“Who’s the one who keeps on crying at every mistake?” Renjun counters, not wanting to back down as Jeno holds both of his arms as they glide on the ice. As Renjun does a backward crossover, Jeno does a forward one. They both intensify their glares. “Who’s the one who can’t make up his damn mind on what he wants to do on ice?”

“You’re such an ass,” Jeno snaps, not caring what his next step is as he spins, bringing Renjun along with him. Fortunately, Renjun maintains his balance as they glide on the ice once more. Even though the distance between their bodies is almost gone, Renjun can’t help but relish the fact that he always have the upper hand.

Wanting to get under Jeno’s skin even more, Renjun decides to add more fuel to the fire. “And here we are, still dancing. Admit it, maybe the reason why you’re here is because you can’t get enough of me.”

Renjun looks at Jeno's face drenched in sweat. The taller man's is looking at him sharply, their focus directly at him. Even with ragged breaths, Renjun cups Jeno's face and gives him the coldest glare he can muster. He licks his lips in anticipation but Jeno doesn't flinch. He returns the glare with his own.

“Do you want me to remind you of your place?” Renjun says mockingly. “Do you want me to tell you again and again that you and ice aren’t compatible?”

Renjun doesn’t expect Jeno cupping his face again and pulling his face towards him. This is it, Renjun thinks. If Jeno completely wants to give up, then he’ll give the perfect disaster to crush his motivations. 

He leans closer until he feels Jeno’s lips, halting their dance to a stop.

In this moment Renjun wants to put Jeno in his place. Sure, he got into the Grand Prix, the grandest stage of them all, but that isn't enough for him. He wants Jeno to know for him to stand with him, he has to reach him. He will always be beneath him as long as Renjun is still on top.

_“Defeat me Lee Jeno, ”_ Renjun muses internally as they continue to kiss. _“Then maybe I’ll spare you a genuine glance.”_

Renjun can't explain the feeling inside him as he continues to look at Jeno. What is this burning feeling in his chest? He doesn't like Jeno at all, so why is he getting comfortable under Jeno’s contempt?

What Renjun doesn’t expect is for Jeno to actually respond to his kiss. The taller man responds with more vigor, wanting to take control. Not wanting to back down, Renjun kisses with more intensity. He doesn’t care if he feels like he’s burning, if Jeno burns first then it’s fine by him. Each fire is responded with another one, repeating the cycle until one gives in to be turned to ashes. If he had to describe this feeling in another way, it’s like two people stabbing each other again and again, gauging who would last more. Renjun clings onto Jeno as a way to not lose balance, while Jeno further embraces Renjun until they both lost themselves in the rhythm of their kisses. 

Renjun has never kissed someone before. He has never seen the appeal. He has only seen it in romantic moments in movies. Sure, he doesn't know if he's doing it right, but Jeno doesn't mind. Renjun feels Jeno pressing his lips deeper, sending sparks onto his spine. He can't help but open his lips a little bit more as he grasps for air. But he doesn't want to back down.

They broke off the kiss at the same time, both trying to gather their breaths as they stare at each other with intense glares. 

“I won’t back down that easily,” Jeno says in a deep voice. “I won’t let you get the best of me.”

“Then prove it to me,” Renjun breathes out, his eyes never letting go of Jeno. “Prove that you are meant to be on ice.”

* * *

It’s already evening when Renjun decides to leave the ice rink. Their coaches decide to attend an acquaintance’s party, but not before receiving a stern request from Doyoung.

“Make sure you keep an eye on what you say to Jeno,” Doyoung says seriously. “I don’t know what shit happened to you two, but if you guys don’t fix it, then kiss your ice dance successful debut goodbye.”

Renjun isn’t scared of him, but the older man does have a point.

Glancing around, he sees Jeno still practicing, immersed in his self-practice. He crosses his arms, remembering they’ve been practicing since morning. Unlike him, Jeno barely took any breaks, which is not a good thing to do.

Renjun can see from afar that Jeno’s movements are sluggish, that even his basic glides aren’t fluid at all. Every wave of the arm is slower than usual, his legs are visibly shaking, and his mouth is barely closed, taking breaths more frequently from his mouth. He can also barely follow the lines on the ice, staggering from time to time. The most baffling thing is Jeno still attempting to do jumps, with him almost attempting an axel but decides not to go through with it. Renjun can feel Jeno’s legs are going to give up at any minute.

He goes down the stairs in a hurry and immediately wears his skates. What the hell is Jeno doing?! When he skates towards Jeno, Renjun shouts “Are you out of your mind?! Today’s practice is over! Get some rest!”

“I...need...more practice…” Jeno says between breaths, attempting to speed up his skating but fails. He struggles to maintain his balance as he barely pushes one of his legs to glide forward, only to fall down on his knees. “Need...to...practice…”

“Stop it!” Renjun rushes towards him to lend a hand, but Jeno weakly swats his hands away from even touching him. Seeing no choice, Renjun holds Jeno’s wrists and doesn’t let go. Jeno struggles to escape, but due to his lack of energy, Renjun easily pulls him off the rink.

“Let go of me!” Jeno attempts to push Renjun off, but he can barely raise his arms to push the smaller man away from him. “Please...let go…”

Jeno keeps mumbling to be let go even after his skates are taken off and replaced with his regular shoes. Renjun deeply sighs then helps Jeno stand up with little resistance. It seems exhaustion has completely taken over Jeno when Renjun placed him on the passenger seat of his car, falling asleep immediately. 

“Good god,” Renjun mutters, staring at Jeno’s sleeping figure one more time before starting the engine. This only enforces his opinion that Jeno really isn’t suited for the ice, so why does Jeno keep on practicing? Even when he has fallen and failed on the ice, he keeps on skating. It confuses him so much. 

Fortunately, he remembers the dorm Jeno currently resides when they begrudgingly exchange information in case of emergencies. He doesn’t even have to ask what his room number is when a man who’s obviously his roommate looks at them in shock. Renjun signals him to come over and help carry Jeno, which the guy does after snapping out of his confusion.

“What happened?” The guy is taller than both of them and his voice is deeper than Renjun’s, but his babyface tells he’s younger. 

“He practiced too much,” Renjun says with a deadpan voice. The guy is looking at Jeno with a worried expression as he places one of Jeno’s arms on top of his shoulder. “I was telling him to stop but he wanted to practice more.”

“Damn it Jeno hyung.” The guy curses under his breath. “I told him not to overdo it.”

“He is focused on practicing though,” Renjun notes. “At least he isn’t slacking off.”

The guy gives him a disbelieving look. “Dude, he never slacks off. The day he slacks off is the day the world will end.”

“I guess? Still, he overworked himself.” Renjun says, not knowing what else to say. The guy shakes his head with a sigh. 

“I shouldn’t have jinxed it huh?” After finally getting a clear look at Renjun, the guy curses under his breath. “Fancy seeing the great Huang Renjun on the flesh.” 

Renjun furrows his brow at the reply. Why does he feel contempt at those words? “Oh, I know my name doesn’t matter to you, but I’m going to tell my name anyway. The name’s Jisung.”

Renjun silently nods. 

“This idiot needs to learn how to take care of himself huh.” Jisung chuckles, attempting to lighten the atmosphere as they go inside the dorm. “But knowing him, he’s too stubborn to listen.”

“Stubborn is the perfect word to describe him.”

“No wonder he’s paired with you.”

“What did you say?” Renjun asks with a glare.

“N-Nothing.” 

“Hmph. I thought so.”

Jisung tries to change the subject. “Let’s just get him in our room, okay?” 

They got into the room shortly and place Jeno on his bed. The man’s sleeping face looks peaceful enough, but the bags under his eyes, unusually pale skin, and the frown on his lips tells Renjun that Jeno isn’t sleeping well. 

He shouldn’t care, Renjun tells himself. He shouldn’t care about someone not in his league. He shouldn’t care on someone who he can’t get along with. It has been his mantra for a long time, so why he still here? 

Seeing Jeno shivering a bit, Renjun softly covers him with a blanket. He then wipes the sheen of sweat off of Jeno’s forehead. Renjun sits on the empty chair and watches him for a while until he’s sure Jeno has fully fallen asleep. 

When Renjun is about to leave, Jisung approaches him. “Hey, can you stay for a while?”

“I’ve already overstayed my welcome.” Renjun says, uncertain if he was even welcomed in the first place. 

“Please, just for a little while,” Jisung insists, tugging Renjun’s sleeve. The younger man looks at Renjun shyly as he scratches his head. “I-I need to talk to you about Jeno hyung.”

Renjun knows he shouldn’t indulge Jisung, but he knows the younger man has a point.

Jisung leads Renjun in their small dining room. Renjun glances at the window for a while, having a hard time thinking on how to open their next conversation. To be honest, starting conversations isn’t something he’s used to. It’s always the other people who start first, not to mention the feeling that he would only drive other people away is always there. As he looked at his past conversations, it was Jeno who started their conversations, even when he’s angry.

When he looks at Jisung who’s practically at the edge of fidgeting, he lets out a deep sigh.

“So, what is it?” Renjun cups his face, looking at Jisung with a blank expression. Jisung flinches at the clipped response, biting his fingernails as his mouth struggles what to say. 

“Aish!” Jisung pulls his hair out of exasperation. He then gives a glare at Renjun. “You ice skater types are really something, you know that?”

Renjun looks at Jisung in confusion. “What the hell do you mean?”

“You and Jeno hyung need to talk properly you know?” Jisung answers, getting straight to the point. Renjun stares at him, crossing his arms with a gruff face. “This, this relationship you guys have, doesn’t that bother you?”

“What bothers me is his inability to give up when he needs to,” Renjun huffs. “Look, I don’t care whatever Jeno does normally, but you have to know that Jeno needs to realize he and ice skating aren’t compatible. If I’m going to be really honest, the ice doesn’t like him.”

“And you respond...by talking...like that?” Jisung says slowly, being careful on how to say to respond. “Look, isn’t that...I don’t know, cold?”

“I don’t care if I come off as cold,” Renjun spits. Jisung sighs, rubbing his temples to ease the incoming headache. “I don’t care how I tell him about this. In fact, he should just accept the truth.”

“Then you wonder why Jeno hyung responded to you that way.” Jisung wrinkles his nose. Renjun is baffled at how the younger man is approaching him to be honest. Is it bad to tell Jeno how he feels? Is it bad to be blunt? He would prefer to tell the truth instead of treating Jeno like glass.

“Mr. Huang,” Jisung breathes out, which only irritates Renjun even more. “Have you tried getting to know Jeno?”

Is that what Jeno tried to do during the first few weeks? Is that why he’s constantly initiating small talk? He doesn’t see the point, nor does he like it. Sure, he knows what to do during those trivial conversations, but it doesn’t help in making a connection. What is he supposed to achieve with them?

“What’s the point?” Jisung widens his eyes in shock. “What’s the point of getting to know him when we’re worlds apart?”

Renjun sees Jisung turn his head towards the window, where the evening sky is seen. The night sky is almost empty, with only a few stars twinkling faintly to give light in the darkness. The air is cold, but it isn’t similar to the one on the ice where it gives him comfort. The coldness is almost palpable, which is something Renjun isn’t used to. The small TV and the worn-out sofa in the living room, the creaking floor, the cupboards with small webs on the corners, and the paint on the walls losing its shine, it’s a contrast to his home. But Jisung isn’t bothered by it, and if memory serves him right, so is Jeno. 

Meanwhile, he has always lived alone ever since he left home. He doesn’t need a companion to help him get through the day. He knows the consequences of having another person in the comforts of his home. Sure, those corners is made of ice, but it’s how he wants it to be. If Jeno can’t handle that, then what’s the point of making a connection with him?

Jisung ponders his question as he drinks his cup of tea. He looks at Renjun with warm eyes, lacking the sharpness from earlier. Still, Renjun can’t help but wonder, twirling his fingers as the silence is weighing heavily on both of their shoulders.

When he finally knows what to say, Jisung exhales deeply. “I think, you would get the point if you try.”

Renjun looks at him skeptically. “I don’t know your backstory and I won’t ask about it, but if you’re wondering why Jeno is still sticking with you despite both of you practically hating each other, then it doesn’t hurt to try, right?”

He hates to admit it, but Jisung has a point. 

* * *

Ever since their big argument and his conversation with Jisung, Renjun doesn’t know how to approach Jeno anymore. Before, he barely notices Jeno every time they practice separately, but now, Jeno’s avoiding him. Renjun now knows he’s at fault, but how can he apologize? 

It’s already been a month since they last talked, so that means he gave Jeno enough time, right? But Jeno is only looking at him with glares, and every attempt of talking to him has been brushed off. They’re practically in a standstill despite only having five months to go before making their debut.

His opinion hasn’t changed. He still thinks Jeno is still isn’t fit to be an ice skater. His failures on the ice are proof of that. But he also wants to ice dance, and if Jeno is the only one who is available, then he must get to know him more. 

This has been the first time the ice is telling him two different things. Jeno and ice don’t mix, but Jeno is potentially Renjun’s only available partner. What is the ice really telling him?

Renjun watches Jeno’s practice from the bleachers, eyeing every step the taller man makes. So far, his movements have improved, but there is something...off. Sure, his movements are more fluid, such as the wave of the arms and his glides, but there’s something missing, or rather removed. Previous practices were more stiff and rigid, but he can at least get the vibe of what Jeno is going for.

Now, he can’t get a read of Jeno anymore.

Something pops up in Renjun’s mind. If Jeno won’t notice him through conversations, he supposes he can talk to him through the ice. Standing up, Renjun begins watching Jeno’s every move as he goes to the rink.

This time, when Renjun follows his line on the ice, he makes sure to exactly copy Jeno. From his glides to his crossovers, he never takes off his eyes away from the taller man. When Jeno stretches his arms for balance, Renjun does the same, feeling his arms and shoulders straining at the attempts. He realizes he and Jeno are really different when it comes to portraying themselves.

Whenever Renjun stretches his arms and legs for his program, whether it be for normal gliding or different kinds of spins, he makes sure to be as graceful as possible. D _on’t think about what’s going on around you, just focus on your energy. Let the energy flow within you and maintain balance with elegance._ It’s the reason why he always contains himself on the ice well.

Meanwhile, Jeno is different. His movements are less graceful, something he considers bad on the ice. The energy is spread in different directions, wanting to give his energy to as many people as possible. Still, while he lacks grace, he has always considered others in his performance, which is why he’s able to communicate better. Sure, his emotions are all over the place, and he tends to slip more because of it, but the way he portrays his story is clearer and more defined. It’s unlike him who’s only portraying a story that he’s used to portray, while Jeno is thinking on how to write his story through every step. Perhaps this is the reason why Jeno’s energy is still uncontained, he hasn’t finished writing his story.

The steps and jumps are next. Jeno attempts a triple flip then a triple toe loop, but he almost missed using his toe pick before attempting to jump. Why is Jeno not practicing his ice dance routine? Still, this only solidifies Renjun’s thought of Jeno still being uncertain as he copies Jeno with correct movements flawlessly. Jeno’s eyes flicker towards him, shocked to see how Renjun is copying him perfectly. Not wanting to back down, Jeno tries to gain speed as he prepares for his next jump.

This time, Jeno attempts to do a triple axel, but only does a double one when he misses to spin one more time. Not wanting to overwhelm Jeno, Renjun does the double axel in the same way Jeno did, his body voicing his pain due to not being used to it. _This isn’t how it’s supposed to be_ , a part of him says. Renjun’s bones and muscles are throbbing in pain, but Renjun pushes through. 

“Stop copying me!” Jeno shouts as he does forward crossovers to get farther from Renjun. Jeno’s glare looks scary, but Renjun is used to such kind of intimidation. When Jeno realizes it has no effect, he shakes his head angrily. 

Renjun doesn’t speak as he follows Jeno through forward crossovers. When Jeno attempts a camel spin, the speed is faster than Renjun is used to. Everything about Jeno’s way of doing so far is aggressive, potentially volatile even. Renjun shudders when he fails to copy Jeno, turning his spin slowly into a sitting one instead to not lose his momentum.

When he recovers from his spin, Jeno still looks pissed off. What is he doing wrong? He isn’t berating Jeno, nor is he actively antagonizing him like before. Can’t Jeno see he’s trying to just...talk?

In an unexpected turn, Jeno skates towards him, his eyes lacking warmth as he looks at Renjun. “Is this another one of your tricks, huh?”

Renjun looks at him in shock. He narrows his eyes. “What the hell do you mean?”

“You’re mocking me again, is that it?” Jeno spats, pointing at Renjun’s forehead. “My form is shitty again, huh? My movements are rigid and stiff. Those are your thoughts when you tried copying me, right?”

The smaller man shakes his head vigorously. Jisung is right, they really need to talk to not let their miscommunication further hurt them even more. Renjun answers with a calmer tone, knowing he would only infuriate Jeno even more if he responds to the bait. “You got it all wrong. I’m not here to mock you.”

Jeno looks at him with an incredulous look. “Then why the hell are you copying me?”

“I just wanted to talk,” Renjun says as soft as he can. The taller man still doesn’t let go of his glare. “About this. About our performance. About ice dancing.” _About us_.

There is a long silence. Unlike most silences Renjun shares with people, this one is uncomfortable, his throat itching to break it. He crosses his arms, slowly rubbing his elbows when Jeno stares at him with piercing eyes. He looks straight at Jeno, almost uttering a word when Jeno responds first.

“You...want to talk?” Jeno asks in a weary tone. “I thought you don’t want to do anything with me anymore. I thought I’m not in your league. You said I’m a failure in your eyes.”

“I know,” Renjun answers, giving a toothy smile. “And I pondered about what I said and my opinion of you.”

“Why bother?” Jeno answers bitterly. “You’re right.”

Renjun widens his eyes in shock. “What? No!”

“Don’t deny it,” Jeno huffs, tears starting to form in his eyes. “I have known for a long time that I’m always a failure.”

“You said you won’t back down!” Renjun shrieks, pointing on Jeno’s chest with emphasis. “You said you won’t let me get the best of you! Isn’t that why you’re still here?!”

“But what’s the point of staying here if I’m doomed to fail!” Jeno screams, slowly losing control of his tears. He embraces himself as he shakes, shrinking himself away from Renjun. “I’m meant to fail on the ice! That’s why I bombed the Grand Prix! That’s why I can’t win any competition or medals at number one, because I will never be good! Me and the ice? A massive disaster!”

The loud sound of a slap rings in the ice rink as Renjun slaps Jeno on the face. Jeno holds his slapped cheek as he looks away from Renjun with tears continuing to flow from his eyes. Renjun immediately pulls Jeno by the hem of his shirt as he calls Jeno out with an intense stare. 

“Don’t you dare fucking say that Lee Jeno!” Renjun shouts, unknowingly shedding tears as well. “Are you content allowing yourself to be stepped on? Are you okay with constantly accepting yourself as a failure? Are you satisfied on being weak?!”

Jeno doesn’t reply, infuriating Renjun even more. “You want to prove me wrong, right?! Then this is the time to prove it! Tell me I’m wrong! Tell me I was wrong for doubting you and calling you a failure!”

“How can I prove it to you when you’re right?!” Jeno says, not looking at Renjun. “I saw you copying me earlier and guess what? You did everything I do better! Even perfect I’m being honest! You barely made any mistakes! It’s just like you said, I’m only going to pull you down!”  
  


“Then work harder!” Renjun shouts, loosening his grip on Jeno as he realizes his words aren’t getting through. “Don’t you dare give up!”

Not able to handle the stress anymore, Jeno slumps down on his knees, covering his face as he cries uncontrollably. Renjun lets go of Jeno, kneeling beside him as the taller man latches onto him tightly. Jeno buries his face on Renjun’s shoulder, but the smaller man can still hear the muffled sobs. Renjun embraces Jeno, silently crying as he holds him tenderly.

He should have tried to understand Jeno more, Renjun muses, feeling the coldness of the ice seeping on their skin. He knows he has a long way to go to understand humans better because he has closed himself off for so long, but how can he convey his feelings better? He may be even too late to be forgiven because of what he has said and done.

“I-I’m sorry Jeno,” Renjun weeps, now knowing fully well the effect of his words and actions. “I shouldn’t have mocked you. I should have believed in you more. I should have treated you better.”

Jeno silently nods as he continues to cry, not letting go of Renjun. Feeling the man nodding his head gives him the greatest relief he has ever felt, the heaviest weight on his shoulders finally being lifted. 

“You...you should hate me you know…” Renjun mumbles. “Since what you said about me is right as well.”

“I… I don’t hate you.” Jeno whispers on Renjun’s ear. He closes his eyes, tightening his hold on Renjun. 

Renjun gasps, not expecting the answer. “But, why? I was so bad to you.”

“Because despite you being an absolute jerk,” Jeno says with a sniff. “I just... can’t.”

Renjun lets out a pained chuckle. “Either you’re that nice or that dumb. What’s next? Falling in love with me? Do you like suffering or something?”

Jeno doesn’t respond, but Renjun can hear him stifling his laughter.

* * *

Renjun have always known that relationships take time to heal, so naturally Jeno is still wary of him. They do practice sometimes, but he sometimes catches Jeno secretly practicing by himself. Jeno is also speaking to him too softly for his liking. 

Still, he also knows he shouldn’t be hurt. He is the main reason why their relationship is strained, though what is their relationship really? They aren’t friends. They’re barely acquaintances. He doesn’t know much about him. The start of their relationship, if he can even call it that, started with vitriol and contempt, bordering on hate (though Jeno claims he has never hated him at all). They’re relationship is antagonistic at best.

“Thank god you two made up,” Coach Doyoung says in relief. Kun, who is beside him, raises his eyebrows. There’s currently on the ice rink to discuss plans for their programs. “And no, you don’t get to make fun of me Kun. You want them to get along as well.”

“Who doesn’t?” Kun says teasingly, earning a playful punch on the arm. “At least we’re not going to use handcuffs.”

“You have handcuffs?” Jeno asks, creeped out at the implication. “Why? We aren’t that bad!”

“We can still use it if you guys won’t cooperate,” Doyoung says with a huff. 

“There is no need for that,” Renjun deadpans. “Where did you guys even get that?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know,” Kun warns. “So, practice.”

“There are a lot of things to discuss,” Doyoung says with a serious expression, crossing his arms as he looks at the pair. “Such as programs, music, and more.”

“There is the dance lift in ice dance right?” Jeno asks, giving an awkward smile. “Because if there is then you know who to lift.”

All eyes are on Renjun. 

“Are you implying I can’t lift you?!” Renjun huffs, offended at the implication. “I refuse to be the one being lifted!”

“You’re the lighter and smaller man in the equation,” Doyoung points out. “If you really claim you can carry Jeno, then you also claim to have better stamina too, which isn’t the case.”

“Damn it,” Renjun curses, knowing the coach is right. He can’t help but remember how many times Jeno has outsped him, realizing Jeno is better suited to lift him. “Still! Over my dead body!”

“You think I can’t lift you?” Jeno asks, glaring at Renjun. “I’m not some chump who can’t lift!”

“Let’s put it this way,” Kun says, trying to ease the tension. “Jeno isn’t the one doing all the work. You also have to do your part, Renjun.”

“Like any component in ice dance, this is done by pairs,” Doyoung notes, already thinking of lifts the pair can do in advance. “This means you two need to trust each other to execute the lift.”

Renjun and Jeno avert their eyes from their coaches, trying to hide their blush. 

“For example, even if Jeno does carry you,” Kun states, locking eyes with Doyoung and gesturing lifting motions with his hands. Doyoung catches on and sighs heavily before skating towards Kun. “It won’t be successful if you only let Jeno do all the work.”

Kun and Doyoung skate backwards to give them a wider space to skate. When they have enough space, they proceed to skate together, holding each other tenderly as they press their foreheads together. After gaining enough momentum, Kun swiftly lifts Doyoung, never letting go as they spin together in perfect sync.

Even if Doyoung is leaning upside down on Kun’s body as they do a curve spin, he never lets go. Kun is also lifting Doyoung in a straight-line position, maintaining his strength all throughout the lift. Doyoung spins enough to turn his body right side up again, face-to-face with Kun. Never looking away, they continue to spin as they hold one of their hands and raise it high, while the other hand is holding each other tightly. It was only a few seconds, but both of them are comfortable with each other as Doyoung lands safely on the ice, their hands not letting go as they skate towards Renjun and Jeno.

“See? I wasn’t doing all the work,” Kun says with a wide smile. “Right, Doyoung?”

“You’re only saying that because you’re not the one being spinned around like a ragdoll,” Doyoung says with fake irritation, hiding his blush by covering his face. “But, yeah I can feel it in my bones that Kun isn’t the only one doing the lifting.”

“That’s a weird way of putting it,” Jeno mutters, earning a stare from his coach. “But if mister ice man doesn’t want to cooperate then our debut will totally be a disaster.”

“I just don’t want to be lifted!” Renjun shouts, throwing his hands up angrily. 

“It’s also for safety reasons, Renjun,” Doyoung adds. “I hate to say it but the height difference will matter not only aesthetic wise, but safety wise. What if you can’t handle to lift Jeno long enough? Have you ever thought about that?”

Jeno turns to look at Renjun with a smirk. “I wish you’re okay with that.”

Renjun sighs, knowing neither of them is backing down. Seeing as they’re only a few more months left, he guesses he should be a bit more agreeable in this situation. “...Guess I don’t have much of a choice.”

Kun claps his hands, grinning widely. “That settles it then. Finally we are going places!”

Renjun huffs, refusing to acknowledge Jeno’s moon shape smile towards him.

* * *

The first dozens of attempts of dance lifts were not desirable by any means.

Renjun is always telling Jeno at the last second to not lift him, feeling chills down his spine every time Jeno embraces him too much afterwards for his own liking. Meanwhile, Jeno barely makes any attempt to make the lift more intimate or lively, such as making his stance more apparent.

“You guys are really spending your sweet time trying to master the lift,” Doyoung mutters as he skates towards them. “It’s your unlucky day since I’m the only one here.”

“That’s okay, coach,” Jeno says with a small smile, having Renjun on his shoulder. The smaller man glares behind his head. “Besides I can’t lift him if he doesn’t want to anyway. He does need to jump after all.”

“Put me down,” Renjun slaps Jeno’s back before the taller man can attempt to lift him. “Sorry, I can’t bring myself to be ready yet.”

“You’re apologizing? That’s a start,” Jeno says curiously. “Normally you would say I’m embracing you too much or I’m almost suffocating you.”

“It’s true!” Renjun retorts, rubbing the back of his neck absentmindedly. He can still feel the lingering touch from the other man on his skin. “Are you that clingy to someone you don’t like?”

“Well, pardon me for not wanting you to fall,” Jeno says with a hmph. “Unlike you, I care enough to at least never let go of you.”

“More like you’re still holding yourself back,” Renjun says with a sigh. “We still have a long way to go.”

“You guys keep forgetting your coaches are here,” Doyoung points out. “You guys have to trust people.”

“That will be pretty difficult.” Renjun mumbles.

“Then you have to try,” Doyoung says, patting Renjun’s hair softly. “Come on guys. Practice is over.” 

“Can we sit here for a bit?” Jeno asks, tugging Doyoung’s shirt. “You know, learning how to trust each other and all.”

Doyoung raises one of his eyebrows. “Fine. I’ll be sitting at the bleachers so I won’t interrupt your “alone time”.

Jeno whines as Doyoung leaves the rink with a chuckle. Finally having a private time with Jeno, Renjun sits on the ice, hugging his legs tightly.

Jeno sits besides Renjun, looking down at the ice with a blank stare. Renjun stares at Jeno intently, seeing how the other man stares at the ice silently. The coldness of the ice is always a welcome feeling to him, being accustomed to it for as long as he can remember. He puts his palm on the ice, feeling comfort as the cold feeling seeps through his hand. 

“Have you ever felt strangled by the ice?” Jeno asks somberly. Renjun notices unlike him who is sitting fully on the floor, Jeno’s feet are the only one touching the ice. “Because I do.”

“Then why skate?” Renjun asks, voice void of malice. “Why skate when you know the ice isn’t meant for you?”

Jeno chuckles bitterly. “I ask that too.”

Something stirs inside Renjun, a warm feeling he’s still getting used to over the past few weeks. It always rests in his chest, flaring every time he’s with Jeno. At first, he thought of it as hatred, anger, or any negative emotion he can name. Nowadays, he isn’t sure anymore. He should be pissed off that such a man is still trying to skate despite the fact the ice has never called for Jeno unlike him, but he doesn’t. Instead, he motions for Jeno to lay down on his lap, wanting for him to be more comfortable in his position.

“Are you sure?” Jeno asks, tilting his head shyly. 

“Just do it before I change my mind,” Renjun says, covering his red cheeks with the hand that has touched the ice. The warmth on his cheeks is mitigated somewhat, but not fully. “If you want to sit like that then fine with me.”

Jeno’s eyes smile along with his lips as he lay down on Renjun’s lap.

Renjun admits the feeling Jeno on his lap is a good one, not as good as the ice, but still good. He doesn’t mind the body weight nor about Jeno looking at him warmly, knowing that even if they aren’t friends, Jeno does deserve some semblance of comfort.

“I love to skate,” Jeno mumbles. “But there is this lingering feeling that I have a long battle before I can fully showcase it you know?”

“Is that why you’re hesitant?” Renjun says, tucking some of Jeno’s hair behind his ear. “Is that why you’re constantly failing?”

“You still have a sharp tongue,” Renjun clenches his fist and almost hits Jeno, but it’s only a fake out. Instead, Renjun thumps Jeno’s forehead lightly, earning a lighthearted laugh. “But to answer your question, yes.”

“Then why didn’t you give up?” 

“Because no matter how much of a battlefield the ice is,” Jeno says, slowly reaching towards the ceiling, “Even with constant fear, I will always love the ice. I will never give up performing even if I’m on the very bottom on its world.”

Renjun feels the man’s response is genuine. It makes him wonder why the ice can’t love the man on his lap, when Jeno has only worked hard to earn his way on the ice skating world. No wonder Jeno responded to him like that during their arguments. Even if he’s only telling the truth, Jeno would still want to perform because he has always loved ice skating.

“What about you?” Jeno asks. “Why do you skate?”

“Well, because I love ice skating too duh,” Renjun answers with a pout. “Of course I skate because I love doing it.”

“But what is the ice to you?” 

Renjun widens his eyes at the question. Biting his lip, he answers with a shaky breath. “The ice has always been like home to me.”

He was expecting Jeno to glare at him, knowing how their viewpoints on ice are different, but Jeno is only looking at him with smiling eyes. “How is the ice like a home to you?”

“It has always given me comfort,” Renjun mutters, caressing Jeno’s cheek tenderly. It’s a surprise to him that Jeno didn’t shrug his hand off. “The ice has always been with me for as long as I can remember.”

“The ice is like a sanctuary to you, huh?” Jeno muses. “You and the ice are almost together as one sometimes. It’s scary.”

“I get what you mean,” Renjun chuckles. “But the ice rink is the only place where I can truly be me. The coldness of the ice never bothered me. It has always been there for me.”

“But, aren’t you scared of the ice, not even for a little bit?” 

Renjun ponders his question for a while before responding with a sigh. “Sometimes I am. I am afraid when the day of not being able to give a perfect performance comes.”

“What do you mean?”

“The ice, most of the time I can hear it speaking to me,” Renjun babbles, barely containing himself. “It has it own soul, you know? And, because of performing on the ice for so long, I’m afraid of disappointing them. That’s why sometimes I can’t afford to lose. I love the ice so much and I know they deserve only the best of me.”

“That is some dedication,” Jeno says carefully. “Even in this aspect we're complete opposites.”

Renjun nods. He lives to be the best for the ice, treating every performance as an offering. Meanwhile, Jeno lives to prove himself on the ice, to prove that he can make his mark on the icy battlefield. Their love for the ice is as different as they can be. 

“I least I now understand where you’re coming from, Renjun mumbles. “But some of my point still stands.”

“That I’m not meant for the ice?”

“That you should prove yourself to me that you’re meant for the ice.”

Jeno lets out a genuine smile. “...You’re on.” 

* * *

“Renjun!” Doyoung shouts as the pair practices their routine. “Put some more flare on your movements!”

Instead, Renjun barely manages to move into the next position as he embraces Jeno with a tight grip.Jeno embraces Renjun tenderly, making sure not to let go. Renjun stops doing his leg acrobatics, eventually forcing them to fully stop what they’re doing.

Renjun rubs his neck, still feeling the sensation of Jeno’s tight hold on him. “Okay. Not joking but, that last hold really suffocated me. Thought I was going to die.”

“Stop being overdramatic please,” Jeno groans. Renjun isn’t amused, causing the taller man to shrink a little. “And you’re the one who won’t jump for the lift.”

“I know,” Renjun averts his eyes away from Jeno. “It’s just, I’m not used to being lifted yet.”

“We only have a few weeks left before the NHK Cup,” Kun says, skating towards them with a concerned expression. “Renjun, is it okay for you to do those steps? Maybe we should tone it down a little.”

Jeno is silent as their coaches debate on the changes needed to be made for the routine, trying to figure out something as well. He has this idea for a while now, but he doesn’t know if it would work. Still, he does think it’s an okay suggestion. “We can change places.”

Doyoung looks at him in shock. “Are you insane? There’s not enough time to make a new part of the program! And what do you mean change places?”

“What I meant to say is, we change places for the dance lift,” Jeno answers with a serious tone. Renjun widens his eyes. “It’s obvious he has a hard time executing the acrobatics on time.”  
  


Kun shakes his head. “That still isn’t a good alternative. The routine is specifically tailored for Renjun. The storytelling part of the program won’t make sense if you replace him.”

“Not to mention, it would be harder for him to lift you,” Doyoung notes. “You’re taller and heavier, and if Renjun fails to lift you, both of you will get seriously injured.”

Renjun sighs, knowing their coaches has a point. Though the full version of their programs are still not fully defined, he and Jeno did mutually decide it will have the theme about “love for the ice”. Them taking turns in their spins shows their mutual trust and understanding one another, not to mention being equals. In an acrobatic standpoint, Renjun has a harder time doing the movements feelings. His movements have always been clean and spotless, but sometimes they lack flare or emotions. Meanwhile, Jeno’s moves are less polished, but their more emotive. He totally gets where Jeno is coming from.

Renjun suddenly puts his hand on Jeno’s shoulder, giving the smaller man a warm smile. “Don’t worry, I can do it. Please give me time.”

Jeno wanted to say no, but in the end, he nods.

“Okay then,” Doyoung claps his hands, motioning for the pair to restart practicing. “From the top!”

They start by facing each other head on, having distance between each other. With a stretched arm, Renjun motions Jeno to come to him with his finger, looking at him with a sinister smirk. Jeno looks at Renjun with a blank face, slowly turning into a look of determination as he skates towards him. The [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_-cfWEMDrU&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR1rVhR0I4cuVyrdwqipHQvW_wzTe5DKrmRYVp3Q19aAY30YWwwBgubuEuc) plays as Jeno pulls Renjun by the torso, exchanging intense stares as the music starts. They begin their step sequences in sync. Jeno holds one of his hands while the other hand is holding Renjun’s torso tenderly, making sure not to let go as they follow their ice mark. Renjun lands his free hand on Jeno’s shoulder, looking at him with icy eyes as he then abruptly lets go to perform the first part of their twizzles.

_“Don’t distance yourself too much from Jeno,”_ Renjun reminds himself, making sure to portray the build up of their dance while still being in sync with each other. Surprisingly, they managed to both do it at the same time. Renjun isn’t lagging behind Jeno as he skates near him again, this time dominating the dance.

Jeno leans back as Renjun’s face is only a few inches away, biting his lip as the smaller man has hold of his torso. Renjun smirks, tracing Jeno’s face in one swift motion before holding his chin delicately as they turn. Both of them are still facing each other as they bend one of their knees on the ice, raising each of their arms elegantly. In one swift motion, Jeno, using his bended knee, turns his body to be behind Renjun, holding his torso lightly as they both stand. It was a quick sequence, but it ends with Jeno gaining the momentum to control the dance once more. 

In an act of defiance, Renjun turns his back away from Jeno, breaking the hold as he tries to dance on his own. Not wanting to back down, Jeno turns his head and body towards him, in sync of doing Renjun’s sequences as they time their second set of twizzles perfectly.

Renjun knows the main gist of their sequence is about them fighting for dominance. One dominates as the other succumbs before turning the tables, repeating the cycle. Every time Renjun turns his back on Jeno, the other man’s hand is always near, their gazes never letting each other go. Every time that Renjun overpowers him, Jeno rises again to catch the other man off guard. The looks they send to each other are also telling a part of their story, while Jeno looks at Renjun with caring eyes, showing more vulnerability, Renjun looks at Jeno coldly, seeing things from a different perspective. 

Besides the main responses, the individual twirls that they do also function differently. Jeno twirls when Renjun forces him to, using this opportunity to get back. Renjun twirls to get away from Jeno, being more aggressive as the other man follows him. 

That all changes when they do the lift. 

Renjun wants to give us this attempt and try again, but he knows it will be a repeat of every failed attempt. He knows deep inside, he doesn’t deserve to be held like that. How can he learn to trust Jeno, someone who he has an antagonistic relationship with? Despite of that, he also knows this is Jeno proving himself that he can stand head to head with him, that Jeno can be considered not as trash or a failure, but someone deserving on the ice. He’s willing to give trust on someone who was antagonistic to him.

So, why? Why can’t Renjun do the same?

“I won’t let you go,” Jeno whispers, caressing Renjun’s cheek. “I will never let you go.”

As they prepare for another curve, Renjun extends one of his legs towards Jeno while Jeno extends one of his legs backwards. Renjun knows Jeno has a good hold of his leg, so all he has to do is climb on Jeno’s torso and extends his free leg high, making sure to point his toes at the ceiling. He must execute a good Penché for this move.

Renjun looks at Jeno one more time, not finding any anger in his gaze unlike that time. Instead, his stare was warm and welcoming, contradicting the cold atmosphere of the rink. It was then when Renjun stepped on Jeno’s torso as he extends his free leg towards the ceiling, closing his eyes as they finally executed the curve lift.

He puts his hand on Jeno’s neck to hold himself. Meanwhile, Jeno holds his other leg, being careful not to let go. When Renjun opens his eyes, the feeling of being lifted gives him some kind of reprieve, letting out a loud gasp. 

_“Am I doing it right?”_

When Renjun looks at Jeno, the other man’s eyes are smiling, and maybe, Renjun does deserve another chance.

They finish the lift after Renjun got down, being carried by Jeno in bridal-style through the process. There is some kind of embarrassment at the start, but that just means Jeno has never let go throughout the lift. 

He shouldn’t get used to it.

“Good god finally!” Doyoung shouts, letting out one of his gummy smiles. “That was really nice!”

“See, I told you I will never let you go,” Jeno says teasingly. “I’ll prove it to you that I can stand by your side as an equal.”

Renjun barely contains his blush as has been released from Jeno’s hold. “Don’t tell mushy things like that!”

“You two really became close huh?” Kun says with a grin. Both of them respond by blushing furiously.

“No we’re not!” They say in unison, looking at each other momentarily before looking away. “Stop copying me!”

“You’re the one who copied me first!” Renjun shouts, wondering why he won’t stop blushing.

“W-What do you mean me? You’re the one who’s constantly copying me!” Jeno retorts, wrapping his torso with his arms. “Name one time I copied you!”

“You’re secretly copying me when I’m not around!” Renjun knows at this point he’s just making things up. “Admit it! You always have your eyes on me!”

“That’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard!”

“It’s true though.” Doyoung whispers at Kun, who’s enjoying the constant bickering.

“Is what true?”

“On them becoming close.”

* * *

“ NHK Cup is only a few days away,” Jeno says as he sits on the bed of his hotel room. “What do you think will happen?”

“I don’t think about it,” Renjun answers, leaning on the wall with crossed arms. “Whatever happens, happens.”

“Is that because you’re used to winning all the time?” 

Renjun snickers. “Perhaps. I am just focused on performing after all.”

“So you don’t feel nervous or scared?” Jeno asks with a concerned tone. “I wish I can be like that too.”

“Of course I do,” Renjun sighs. “I don’t want to disappoint the ice. Giving my best performance on the ice is what’s always on my mind. I will always feel nervous, but the ice has always guided me.”

“Then what if someday your best isn’t good enough?” Jeno asks, curling his body on the bed. “What if someday even at your very best, it isn’t good enough for the ice?”

Renjun can’t deny that the question imposed is always on his mind, ready to devour him as soon as he shows any sign of weakness. That’s why he always makes sure to be the best that he can be. He devotes everything to the ice, even reaching to the point of obsession.

He doesn’t know what to do if even his best isn’t enough, and he can’t help but seethe at the idea.

“Have I told you the story of an ice child?” Renjun says, trying to change the topic. 

“No? We barely talk outside of practice.” 

Renjun can’t help but feel a pang of guilt inside. “Well, since we all need some encouragement, I will tell you the short version.”

Jeno perks up, patting the space beside him where Renjun can lay down. The smaller man obliges, slowly lying down on the other side. He gives Jeno some space, as he starts his story.

“Once there was a young boy born from a family of ice mages,” Renjun narrates. “Right from a very young age, he has been considered a prodigy, showing incredible talent in controlling the ice. People have also seen that the boy has one special talent no one else has, and that is speaking to ice.”

“So when his family died, the sorrow in his heart is somewhat mitigated by the ice,” Renjun waves his hand on the air, staring at the ceiling as he continues. “He devoted his life for the ice, learning everything that he can so he won’t feel alone and lonely anymore. The ice has been with him for as long as he can remember, and so his love with the ice will forever remain the longest. The ice has been his only family. His only home. His only love.”

“But you see, there are intruders all the time,” Renjun turns to look at Jeno, making scary faces as he curls his hands. “The ice has always been an enigma, something too intricate for people to understand, so the boy decides to be the ice’s protector, fighting every intruder to maintain the ice’s beauty.”

“You know you can be a bedtime storyteller.” Jeno comments, earning a fake scratch on the arm from Renjun.

“And you suck as the child listening to bedtime stories.”

“Ouch. You got me there.”

“As I was saying before I got rudely interrupted,” Jeno laughs as Renjun huffs. “This boy is the ice’s knight in icy armor, always ready to strike at any moment.”

“Then suddenly, a rival came in!” Jeno rises, clasping his hands together before swinging it like a sword. “And the ice child is so threatened.”

“He most certainly isn't!” Renjun decides to do the same and does a swinging motion towards Jeno. “Because this self-proclaimed rival is literally the worst!”

“This rival claims his love for the ice is the same as the ice child’s,” Renjun says with emphasis. “So of course the ice child is offended. How can this buffoon claims to have the same love as the ice’s child’s?”

“So they fought,” Jeno continues, this time going for a tickle approach. Renjun, not wanting to back down, dodges every attempt. “But since the ice obviously favors the ice child, the rival is left to bite the dust.”

“Still, despite the animosity and hate,” Renjun adds, going for a headlock. Jeno quickly takes his pillow as part of his defense. “Whether he likes it or not, the ice child knows deep inside that his rival’s love for the ice is really genuine.”

“But what can his rival do?” Jeno takes cover as Renjun proceeds to attack the pillow with finger strikes, trying to have the upperhand. “He knows even if he has proclaimed his love for the ice, it has already chosen someone deeming him unworthy in the process.”

“Stop hijacking the plot!” Renjun shouts, frustrated Jeno’s defenses are better than he thought. “This was just supposed to be the ice child’s story.”

“You’ve got to add more fire into it!” Jeno counters, seeing the chance to make his counterattack by ticking Renjun on the sides. Renjun has a hard time shrugging off Jeno’s hands, laughing uncontrollably in the process. “Like, fall in love and rule the ice world!”

“You...are such...a romantic,” Renjun says between laughs as Jeno finishes his attack. “Is your mind working like a romance novel or something?”

“...Maybe.”

“They do bicker all the time,” Renjun notes. “But they don’t have any malice or contempt. They’re just used to showing affection through fighting.”

“How?” Jeno chuckles. “Affectionately bickering like an old married couple or something?”

Renjun scoots over Jeno’s side with his back turned. Smiling, Jeno slowly embraces Renjun, making the smaller man almost shudder at the feeling. He doesn’t mind, however. “...Yes.”

Jeno smiles. “And they lived happily ever after...maybe.”

Renjun doesn’t respond, slowly falling asleep. For the first time, Renjun sleeps happily with a warm embrace.

* * *

“This is it,” Jeno mumbles as they skate towards the center of the rink. It’s their turn to perform at the competition, feeling all eyes on them. “I’m nervous.”

Renjun extends his hand towards him, which is taken with a tight grip. “Thank you.”

“Just remember to believe in yourself more, alright?” Jeno doesn’t nod, not wanting to make any promises he can’t keep. “I’ll beat some sense into you if I have to.”

“You do know that won’t work, right?”

Renjun shrugs as they get into position for their free dance. Before, he can barely remember his performances until all of the scores are tallied on the screen. Now, while he didn’t bother to look at the scores at all, having Jeno by his side shows him that this is a new beginning into his already long career. Sure, the curiosity is still there, but seeing the other man looking at him with smiling eyes, perhaps it doesn’t matter anymore.

His starting position is at the right side of the rink, facing across Jeno with a fierce expression. As the [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR98AEAgnYQ&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR1WusO0yQy2W5WhVIY1LeR-cBKjasFwQQkfEUh5L8L5IP052co7VvcsGSc) starts, they both stand firm, eyes steady between them. Jeno lets out a smug smirk, putting his hands on his hips as he rolls his eyes, breaking eye contact. The last straw is broken when Jeno bites his lip as they swing their arms in sync, maintaining his smug look towards Renjun.

He has to admit, Jeno does look sexy in that particular moment. His sleeveless arms showing his toned muscles are only adding fuel to the blazing fire.

Renjun lets out a growl when the distance between them shortens, jumping towards the other man to finally close the gap between them. He holds onto the other man’s shoulders as Jeno catches him perfectly. In the tune of the music, they spin a few times, with Jeno carefully lowering Renjun’s body until his feet can finally touch the ice. Jeno lets him go, allowing him to spin freely for a while until Jeno is behind him. When Jeno’s hands are on his arm, Renjun stops spinning, now having the opportunity to look at the audience with an icy expression.

The music builds as Renjun skates first, Jeno trailing closely behind him as they do each sequence perfectly. They do the twizzles in sync, changing positions in every set. In one set, Renjun is in front of Jeno, then on the next it is Jeno who’s in front by hovering at Renjun until he's in front. The third set is where they’re side by side, slowly raising their hands until at the end of their twizzles when they drop their hands with a bang. 

Everything else happens quickly, his body being on autopilot during the program. It has always been like this every performance, where he would lose himself on the ice as every moment passes like a blur. 

But now, he has someone to pull him back to reality. 

As their routine gets more intense, Jeno keeps him in check. At one point, Jeno pulls him until their bodies slam against each other, his back tingling from the impact. He can feel Jeno's arms holding his waist tenderly, a total opposite of the rough pull he did moments earlier.

Another thing that pulls him back to reality is their foreheads touch, doing another glaring contest to see who will dominate the dance. While he would never admit it out loud, Jeno's stare is so...pleasing, even if he looks angry at him. He does look scary from an outsider's perspective, especially when he's staring down at someone. To be honest, Renjun isn't scared. In fact, he gladly returns the glare with his own, just like they always do.

Not to mention, whenever Jeno caresses his cheek for a brief moment, he can't help but yearn for more. 

The one Renjun likes the most though, is hand holding. Lifting is one thing, but when Jeno extends his hand, half of the time he still has his doubts. Why would Jeno trust him? He, a person who did nothing but mock him for the first few months? This trust shouldn't be that easy to do for Jeno, so why is he readily offering his hand? 

He looks at the hand with a frown, questioning whether he should take it. Unlike Jeno, Renjun can't shake off the distrust easily. What if Jeno does fail? What if Jeno will let him go and lead to his downfall? What if Jeno is just playing with him to get the upper hand?

The negative thoughts continue to attack him, but not once did Jeno retract his hand. 

Jeno should be angry that Renjun ruined part of the program, as they missed the time for the spin. Instead, Jeno is still skating towards him, hand still extended and the other hand clutching his chest. His is showing his anguish, while Renjun keeps skating backwards. He has looked away, hugging his chest tightly, showing vulnerability. Their program doesn't suit the intense music anymore.

But the taller man is still not giving up. When he knows he's not getting through his partner with just a simple gesture, he skates around Renjun in circles, still extending his hand. Still not sure, Renjun nonetheless tries to make this detour a part of the program by matching Jeno's intensity by running away. 

In the end, Jeno embraces him from behind, causing both of them to glide on the ice with the best poses they can muster. Renjun lays back on Jeno as relaxed as he can, while Jeno tries to stand as straight as possible, finally having the chance to raise their hands together.

With that, Renjun finally accepts, holding Jeno's hand tenderly.

Even though the music doesn't match much anymore, they did their stationary dance lift. As Renjun fully extends his leg upwards for a Biellmann, Jeno stands upright, never letting go of his hold on him as they spin.

They end their performance by Jeno picking him up bridal style, keeping him close. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity, Renjun embraces Jeno tightly, burying his head on his partner's shoulder. 

He's not used to the warmth, but if Jeno ever gives him the opportunity to embrace him even off the ice, he will immediately take it.

* * *

In the end, they didn't win first place. He doesn’t get why people are still congratulating them. 

“Congratulations, Renjun!” Surprisingly, it was Donghyuck who said that, clapping his arms with a grin. “Changing career paths and you still did well! What’s your secret?”

“Loving the ice.” Renjun says, deadpan. 

Donghyuck lets out a snort. “I know you would say that.”

“Uh...why are you here?” Renjun asks, knowing they aren’t close. 

“Because I didn’t like how you broke our rivalry by going to ice dance!” Donghyuck huffs, putting his hands on his hips. 

“Rivalry, huh?” Renjun shakes his head. “It’s so cliche. Find some other rival to be passionate with.”

“Ouch, being dismissed by Huang Renjun,” Donghyuck clutches his heart as he leans dramatically in the locker room’s wall. Like the last time they met, it’s still filled with people. “What have I done wrong? What should I do to make you notice me?”

“Not being overdramatic?”

“Maybe I should change career paths too!” Donghyuck suggests with a smirk. “Though, to be honest, I am comfortable on my current position.”

“Because I’m not there to be number one anymore?” Renjun taunts with a grin of his own.

“...Maybe,” Donghyuck straightens his posture. “Though I must say, that change is good on you.”

“How so?”

Donghyuck sees Jeno coming towards them. Not wanting to overstay his welcome, he gives Renjun a pat on the shoulder before leaving. Still, he gives his answer to Renjun through a whisper. “The reason is just around the corner.”

Renjun didn’t get what he meant until Jeno is in front of him, waving at him with a smile.

“You’re happy we didn’t win first place?” Renjun asks, scratching his head.

"I mean," Jeno says, raising their bronze medals. "Third place is good too!"

"I do want the gold medal," Renjun mutters, looking at his bronze medal with a blank face. "Well, it is our first performance as a pair."

"Well, who's fault is that?" Jeno chides, but Renjun only sighs. "I-I'm just joking."

"You're right," Renjun answers with a strained smile. "It's my fault."

"Renjun…"

"I'm sorry Jeno," Renjun apologizes, bowing his head. "I should have trusted you more."

"You shouldn't do that!" Jeno shakes Renjun, flustered at the apology. "Look, we all have our off days, okay?"

"And at least I proved myself right?" Jeno asks, noticing Renjun is silent. "I did my best, right?"

"I guess so," Renjun answers, looking at Jeno wit. "You did good."

"That's what I'm hoping for!" Jeno lets out a wide grin. "So we can finally start our fairytale love story right?"

Renjun immediately widens his eyes, looking at Jeno in shock. "Wait, what?!"

"You know, you and me, and ice dance."

"Where is the love story there?!" Renjun shrieks, not understanding Jeno at all. "What's wrong with -"

Jeno shuts him up with a kiss, pushing Renjun on the wall as he holds both of his hands. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  



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